Wednesday, July 27, 2005

Two More Haiku

The eight o'clock moon
claims your pulse, then gathers up
the neap & ebb of your heart.

The honey moon claims
your heartbeat, quickens the storm,
enlivens the flame.
You probably recognize the second haiku from last Friday. The top haiku was actually written first.

This is another instance (like the two "Pen" poems, below) in which I took the structure and what images and ideas I could remember to write another poem. I perceive this process to be distinct from revision. Revising a poem means to have the text in front of you and go through with your editor hat on, tweaking music, measure, and thought.

In this case, the written text is only a memory (at best). I have a few ideas, some definite images I want to include, and maybe a few turns of phrase.

So, you tell me: does one seem a revision of the other? Is one version superior to the other? Or are the two versions at best studies which might lead me to a third, theoretically better, poem?

No comments: