Report on Mid-Week Service

Went to a comtemplative service this past Wed.

It was held at St. John's Episcopal the church I was confirmed in (May, 1968). St. John's is very close to my current house. It might be a little over a mile away. I have no doubt I could walk there in less than an hour.

The service was held in the "Lady Chapel", which is separated from the main chapel by a wall which does not quite go to the roof. The wall contains a columbarium. The space is very nice - just right for a sparsly attended mid-week service. Has 2-3 icons. There's something resembling a place mat on the altar - has picture of Christ & disciples at sea. Afraid I didn't get a good look at it.

I didn't know ahead of time that the service was "contemplative". I'd run into a member of the church last Sun who simply told me there was this mid-week service. Life had been somewhat stressfull through Wed, so a service seemed like a good idea.

The service was scheduled to begin at 5:30 p.m. There were three other people in the chapel with me. Shortly before 5:30, a member of the altar guild came out and placed the chalice and host on a side table, then she lit the candles on the altar. A few minutes later, a bell rang. The congregation stood.

The bell was no doubt in the grand tradition of the sanctus bell - the origin of which was to let the congregation know that something important was about to happen. As you may know, the Catholic service was originally in Latin - which was by no means the "language of the people" in the Middle Ages. Most people were illiterate in Latin. The whole service was a great mystery.

So, when it was time for the congregation to do something - stand, kneel, etc - the priest would ring a bell. It was, in a sense, a way of saying "wake up".

Anyway, the priest read the service very slowly. He allowed long stretches of silence. He read the Epistle and Gospel slowly and deliberately.

A sermon normally follows the Gospel. The priest sat down. I wasn't sure what would happen - maybe a dialogue sermon. But he re-read a few lines from the Gospel, closed the book, set it to one side, and sat in silence.

This was the time for contemplation. Ironically, the Gospel appointed for Wednesday was the pericope which includes John 3:16 - "For God so loved the world". This is probably my least favorite verse in the New Testament, because of the way I believe it has been abused. But this was the verse used to lead us into contemplation.

I let go of my judgment concerning the verse and the ways I think it has been abused. I let go of the situation that had made the week unhappy and somewhat stressful. I released what resentments I was aware of.

I closed my eyes. I breathed. I focused on my "third eye". I aimed the arrows of my heart toward the divine, as the anonymous author of Cloud of Unknowing puts it.

I found I had dived in, like some deep sea diver.

There were some typical physical manifestations. They may be sign posts that one is on the right path, but they are not to be sought.

I suppose the only sign that really matters is how one lives his/her life after this time in contemplation.

My stress had been connected with a person at work. The problem was either in how she was communictaing with me, or with how I was hearing her. It was certainly clear that all I could do to ease the situation was maintain a level of emotional distance and to wear the perceived conflict as a loose garment.

Thursday morning, my co-worker greeted me with a neutral tone of voice, and asked how I was doing. I said I was better, and that was that. We had limited interaction after that, and it was not 100% what it would have been a month ago (we've historically been very friendly), but I didn't take it personally.

My goal is not to give my co-worker the cold shoulder. I suspect she is going through something in her personal life which is unconnected with me. If I am a part of any work-related problem, I don't think it likely it is but a very small part. My goal, then, is to give her some space.

Part of this started Wednesday afternoon, before I went to service. But the full fruits were realized Thursday. After I had dived into contemplation, and drank the living waters.