Lectio: from The Gospel of Thomas

Lectio Divina: from The Gospel of Thomas

Reading.
Jesus said: "If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you. If you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you." translated by Gordon MacRae, quoted in Pagels, Beyond Belief, p. 32

Comment.
This one phrase summarizes Pagels' point in chapter two of the referenced book: Thomas sees "salvation" differently than the canonical John:

Thomas' gospel encourages the hearer not so much to believe in Jesus, as John requires, as to seek to know God through one's own, divinely given capacity, since all are created in the image of God. (34)

Thomas, then, is even more of a mystic than John, which is really saying something. For, this "knowing" is not an intellectual or philosophical activity — it is founded on one's experience of the Divine within one's self.

But what is it that is "within you" that is to be called forth? I suppose it to be that recognition of my unity with the Divine. Not that I am God, but to acknowledge the fact that I was created in the image of God makes me as much a Son of God as Jesus. That type of unity is shared by every individual on the planet. St. Paul is right when he says we are "sons and daughters of God," but it is not by adoption through Jesus; adoption is not necessary, for all of us were "sons and daughters" from the beginning.

Although we share the unity of being created in the image of God, we remain unique individuals with our unique individual gifts — the "charisms" Paul writes about so movingly. So, when I read this passage from the Gospel of Thomas, I imagine that what needs bringing forth is my unique gift.

Meditation.
I woke up around 4:30 Tuesday morning, which is early for me, and could not get back to sleep. Although there are some stressors at work, I believe the primary reason for this particular incident of insomnia was the fact that I wanted to write something in response to Fr. Stan's death. Somewhere in the area between the conscious and the unconscious, I wanted to write down my reactions before I forgot them.

This reflects a common romantic notion of writers — poets in particular — waiting on inspiration, or being so consumed with inspiration that they are compelled to write. The draw-back to this notion, of course, is what happens when the author no longer "feels" inspired? The landscape of American letters is littered with authors who ended their lives because they believed the flame had gone out.

However, I think this passage from Thomas is about something more than creative inspiration. I think it also applies to one's vocation, or ministry. M. Scott Peck, in his seminal work The Road Less Traveled, defines vocation as the place where one's great gift meets the world's great need.

I have been wrestling with this sense of ministry, and whether I might be called to the ordained ministry. I've been assessing my perceived gifts with as much humility as possible. I've been listening more intentionally to what others say my gifts are, for example. Sometimes people comment positively on my singing or writing, which more or less confirms my own notion of my gifts. Other times, people see areas of competence I was unaware of — a recent example was someone telling me I had a good sense of group dynamics. News to me.

This notion of listening to how others perceive my gifts was suggested by Mother Susan, who recently pointed out that the call to ordained ministry is either affirmed or confirmed by the community. In other words, have people come up to me and asked me whether I've considered the priesthood.

I can recall at least one person at the Cathedral who has asked me this question. The question has come up several times over the past 10-15 years, in other churches. In fact, I've even been asked this question by people outside our denomination within the past couple of months.

A couple of other people at the Cathedral have perceived that I have a gift for teaching — which is certainly useful for an ordained person. All this is worth listening to, evaluating, and pondering. Especially as I prepare to make this process official, by visiting with the Dean of the Cathedral.

As I continue to wrestle.

Prayer.
Divine Teacher, grant me proper discernment of my gifts;
grant me the wisdom to recognize the best application of those gifts;
and the courage and strength to use my gifts in your Way.
I seek to collaborate in your great work of Love*,
that it may come to guide all your creatures.
I ask this calling upon your Holy Name.

So be it.

*See "Augustine Interviews God", part three